Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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