my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
