He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
