So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
