there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize