Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
