Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
