he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
