I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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