God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
