i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
