Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it's like iHOP with fire
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
