Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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