She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
