They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
