Sorry, I don't speak sober.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
