please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
