that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
