I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
