Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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