Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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