Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
