One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
cat food counts as protein by the way
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
