make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
