seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
