i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
