we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
