I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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