I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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