Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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