PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
