It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
