She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
as a side note pls kill me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
