im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
