I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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