We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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