Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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