what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
