Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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