I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
