I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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