i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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