i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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