Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
