ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
