found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
