i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
