Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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