Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
