I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
