drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
