So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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