P.S. I can't hear my feet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
