hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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