He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
