omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
