look no pants
People in love make me want to vomit
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
