Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
