was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
