come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
