sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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