Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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