Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
