A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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