what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
