She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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