Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
