Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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