Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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