When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
