I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
