dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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