The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
