shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
