so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
