well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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