It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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