and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize