Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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