Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
