So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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