if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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