Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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