you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
