then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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