i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
