gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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