Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
