i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
