I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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