There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was CRYING into my vagina
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
